Desolate
by AshtonCat
Summary: Snape finds himself in a vulnerable state while at Grimmauld place. The others try to help him, but will he let them? I'm terrible at summaries. It's a lot of Snape angst and fluff.


Desolate Chapter 1

A dog started barking at the sound of apparition. It set them off like the high pitched tones of a hot air balloon. The dark haired wizard took a moment to lean against a tree and catch his bearing before making his way down the long dark street. Apparating was something he almost did on a daily base it seemed, but one had to be in good shape to pull it off.

He limped toward the desired location and let the house appear in front of him. Grimmauld place 12. He hated arriving around dinner time. The house would smell like Molly's infamous cooking he had never had the privilege to taste himself. He had only listened to Arthur's descriptions of the feasts she prepared for the Order on a weekly base. And he had witnessed her bustling about the kitchen while he reported about Voldemort's plans.

He was a member of the Order, and a crucial one at that, but he never joined the others at the dinner table. He always felt like he was intruding upon something sacred when he stepped into that warm bustling kitchen. And now, he had to do it at a moment he always tried to avoid.

Stepping into the cold dark hallway, he ignored Kreacher's forced words of welcome and well-rehearsed bows. Behind the door at the end of the hall, the sound of people eating emerged, growing louder with each step he took. The thick smell of well prepared food hung in the air and his stomach protested at its own hollowness. He had not eaten properly in weeks and he was hungry. Pomfrey would correct him on the use of the word hungry, he was starving, that's what he was. A problem that resurfaced more and more often.

He shifted the heavy bag that hung from his right shoulder so the strap no longer cut into his pale skin. Without knocking, he opened the door and stepped into Molly Weasley's kingdom of food, love and safety.

He silently admitted to himself he enjoyed their stunned expressions and the fact they all stopped stuffing their faces when they saw him. Their appetites gone now they had laid eyes on him, no doubt. The younger generation didn't dare to meet his cold gaze, but the two marauders stared at him defiantly, although Black a little more than the werewolf.

"Severus"

He met the eyes of the person who had used his given name in the presence of students, something he didn't thank them for. But it had been Molly, and she would never call him anything else. She stood up but he held up his hand quickly. He didn't want anyone to pretend to treat him with a decorum they never treated him with before.

"Don't bother yourself, Molly. I'm only here to deliver the requested potions. Where shall I put them?" he asked. A silence fell over the company. It was no surprise to him. He was used to not being treated like a human being. He was a mere object to be ignored or feared in this war.

He decided to place the bag on the long table and have them deal with it after their precious little dinner parties. It was only then that he realized he was dripping water on the floor. He took out his wand and quickly made the small puddle disappear. He was enough of a bother to them already. No need to give the mother of many another chore to do on his behalf.

"The green vial needs to be kept in a cool place" he broke the silence. His stomach contracted painfully and he did his best not to double over and beg for a small bowl of soup. He wouldn't mind eating his dinner in another room either, as long as his stomach would finally get something substantial. But no one ever offered him anything. They didn't even ask, and he didn't blame them. He remembered with misplaced fondness the one evening that Molly had offered him a cup of tea. It had been an unusually cold night, and his hands had been so cold, he could barely hold the documents Dumbledore had given him to deliver at the Order's headquarters. The hot ginger tea had been a welcome luxury.

"we'll see to it, Severus. Don't worry" said Arthur, father of many. He had probably sensed his wife's uneasiness about what to say next and had decided to do the talking for her. But he didn't know what to say to the wizard either. And that was nothing new to him, no one knew how to talk to him, or what to say. But then again, no one ever made the effort to.

"Anything else, Snivellus?" Black had decided to put in a few words too for his own personal amusement. His name calling was met with the soft sniggering of the Weasley children and Harry. Snape felt himself grow pale with anger.

"I added some vials of Pepper Up potion to your order. There's some sort of muggle flu going around" he said, trying to avoid giving Black the satisfaction of starting a fight. He was surrounded by his little fan club, and Snape was on his own. Hated by the lot of them.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Severus. Thank you. I don't want to deliver sick children to Hogwarts" Molly said and tried to force herself to smile.

"If that's all, get out of my house, Snivellus. You're ruining everyone's appetite" Again Black's words were met with repressed chuckling from the children and Snape decided it was time to get away from this embarrassing situation.

He then turned around and made his way back to the front door. Leaving the warmth of the kitchen behind, a warmth not meant for him and only disrupted by his presence. He may not belong in their cosy glow, but he didn't want to disturb its existence. He treasured the places warm and safe and would do all in his power to protect them, even if he himself could not be a part of it.

The rest of Black's house was cold and desolate and thus suited him much better. He might as well enjoy a glass of water with that damn house elf. This is where he belonged. The cold and the dark. He rested his shoulder against the fading wallpaper for a moment, feeling dizzy from cold, exhaustion and above all near starvation. He would have to take the night bus now. He couldn't apparate in this condition. The journey home would be long and strenuous. And once home, he knew he wouldn't have the energy anymore to fix himself something to eat. He would go straight to bed.

A hand touched his thin shoulder, making him flinch and spin around in shock. It was the werewolf that had snuck up on him. The man's worried expression almost made him vomit.

"Are you alright, Severus?"

"Mind your own business, Remus"

"Are you injured? Let me help.."

"Don't you dare touch me again! Leave me alone! I don't need your pity"

For a moment, Lupin didn't know if it would be better to just leave the dark haired wizard to his own misery. Snape had always preferred his solitude, and if not, he had made everybody believe so.

"It's not pity, Severus. Just worry. Surely you know the difference too. Indulge me for a moment. You gave everybody quite the scare in there" The werewolf continued persistently.

Oh, did he now? In his recollection of the embarrassing ten minutes spend in the kitchen, all he received was ridicule. Ugly, greasy git he was and always would be. He still wondered how an eleven year old boy could be ugly or greasy, but it had been the marauders who came up with it, and they always seemed to get the support of every damn professor. Lupin did not leave though and seemed reluctant to release his arm too.

"Yes well, my apologies for interrupting dinner. It wasn't quite possible for me to tell the dark lord I was running late for my meeting with the Order" Snape sneered, trying half-heartedly to shrug the other man off his arm. Though he had to admit, there was a kind of comfort in Lupin's gentle grip. The werewolf would not let him topple to the floor should it come to that.

"You didn't interrupt much. Ron was telling a story about his owl crashing through a window upstairs"

"what?"

"Never mind. What is it going to be, Severus? You need to rest a little before you go? I know you won't stay, so I won't offer it. But I do hope I can talk you into a cup of tea. Warm you up a little. You're frozen solid, my friend"

"I'm not your friend, werewolf" That hadn't been nice to say. And it had rendered the former teacher speechless for a moment.

Snape felt his stomach contract violently again and couldn't help but let out a painful moan, clutching his abdomen protectively. He felt himself sink to the dirty carpet slowly with his back against the wall. Lupin's grip around his arm tightened in worry as he followed Snape to the floor.

"what's wrong? Does your stomach hurt?" there was worry in his voice, there was worry in his eyes and Snape loathed every second of it. The werewolf had some nerve acting like he cared. It was all theatre of course, nothing genuine about it. He was probably scared of Dumbledore kicking their arrogant arses around if he heard how his spy was mercilessly kicked out of the safe house. The headmaster would do no such thing. If they only knew how little the old man actually cared about his spy.

"Severus, talk to me. Is it possible you've been poisoned?"

"Always so dramatic, Remus"

"Then tell me what's wrong so I can help, man! Now is not the time to be so stubborn. What's the point? Believe it or not, you're among friends.. allies at least" the werewolf continued persistently. Snape huffed in disbelief and annoyance but was too tired to answer. His headache was getting worse by the minute, and he started wondering if he could even make it to the Nightbus.

The silence was only disturbed by the door to the kitchen opening and closing. Soft, cautious footsteps approached the two wizards and Lupin looked up to meet the eyes of Arthur Weasley.

"Now see, there there.. what's going on in here? You two didn't fight, did you?" the man said confused.

Lupin chuckled and to his surprise, so did Snape, albeit half-heartedly.

"nothing like that, Arthur. I assure you. I think Severus is just a little tired" the werewolf said and looked back at the dark haired wizard, who still shot him occasional foul looks. Mister Weasley sat down on his knees next to the other two men and looked at Snape like he was studying a rare wild creature.

"You do look awfully pale, Severus. Why don't you come back to the kitchen and warm yourself up? I'm sure Molly would be more than happy to fix you up something to eat. Maybe a strong shot of fire whiskey can heat up those bones of yours. I don't think this is anything we can't fix with combined efforts" the father of many said joyfully and smiled brightly at the tired spy.

Snape shook his head slowly and closed his eyes when the room started spinning. "I'm not going back in there. You heard Black.."

"Oh, to the Devil with Sirius. Don't pay attention to him, Severus. It's my wife who runs this place." Arthur chuckled and reached out to pat Snape's leg a couple of times. The dark haired wizard flinched at the contact and tried to move away, causing Arthur to stop immediately.

"I'm fine where I am"

Lupin sighed and moved to lean his back against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him, mimicking Snape's position.

"Alright, we'll make this a hallway thing then" he said and crossed his arms over his chest. Snape rolled his eyes and looked away from the werewolf, trying his best to ignore him.

Arthur got up from the floor and brushed off his pants, dust flying everywhere. "Tea, then? Or are you lads planning on anything stronger on this fine evening in this exceptionally cosy hallway?"

"tea, for me, Arthur. What would you like, Severus?" Lupin asked.

"Whiskey, the whole bottle" Snape said, without giving the two men as much as a glance. If he was going to be allowed to collapse in Black's house, he was going to do it to the full extent. And if he could manage to rid Black of his alcohol storage, all the better it would be.

That was a lot of fun to write! Reviews are like snowflakes. They're all unique and beautiful :)


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